I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
