I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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