I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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