She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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