Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
