he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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