I hate your face
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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