it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
