the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
