I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
