i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
