party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
