She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
