I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
