I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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