Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
