I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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