Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
