some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
