Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
