Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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