and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
