I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
