Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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