just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
