Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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