is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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