note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
