Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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