chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
