I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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