Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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