Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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