I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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