Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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