i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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