Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
