I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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