You were right. It hurts to walk today.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
