hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize