Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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