Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
