Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm at about main and main street
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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