You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
