So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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