hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm just crazy horny about you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
