I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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