He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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