im gay
i know
yea but for you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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