I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
