Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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