why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm getting married
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door