she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
