well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will