I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.