Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.