he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
