i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
