Got a toothbrush?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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