Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
