Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
