My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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