Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
