I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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